We Are Bisexuality: Kitty

#WeAreBisexuality is a month-long campaign to share the stories of Bisexuals during Bisexual Visibility Month. Stories and photographs shared with the permission of the parties involved. Share your story with us all throughout Bisexual Visibility Month.

 

Kitty, a 27 year old bisexual woman, has had quite the realization journey regarding her sexuality –

I grew up in a midwestern Christian home. I had a couple of bi friends that I mentioned to my maternal guardian, and she told me to “never do that [meaning come out as bi] to her.” Fast forward about a decade, and I was married to a cishet man, who had no idea that I was bi. I never told him, because he had made off-hand comments about bi girls just being attention seeking. I, at the time, loved him though. I figured that since we were married and I intended to spend the rest of my life with him, that my attraction to girls/NB/trans/etc people was a moot point, so I closeted myself, even to him. My marriage didn’t last long (I made big mistakes, as did he). My new partner, another cishet man, was much more open. He made me feel comfortable and safe. I didn’t come out to him for a while, but eventually, it came up, and I was comfortable enough to tell him. He accepted me whole-heartedly without reservation, and without fetishizing me. It was a first in my life. His support really helped me to be able to own my bisexuality. After that, I just decided to live my life out in the open as much as I can. I didn’t make an announcement, or anything, I just started being as fully myself as I could in public, which now also includes showing affection to my girlfriend!”

Accepting herself took a lot of reflection, and involved the tackling of a lot of internalized Biphobia –

“I had convinced myself that I wasn’t actually attracted to anyone but men, and was being an attention seeker. Also, I figured that since I was married to a man, I was as good as straight, which isn’t how anything works. I still fail to be as out as I would like in some instances (at my conservative Christian job, for instance). I  also don’t connect with my local queer community much, which I wish weren’t the case. I struggle with identifying as queer, since I am a cis woman in a “”straight-passing”” relationship (at least, that’s the more visible relationship, my other relationship is newer, so not as many people know about it yet). “

Because of this, her hopes for the bisexual community are simple, yet still easier said than done-

“[I hope] that we can live a comfortable, out, life without discrimination or erasure. That we can help other marginalized communities to be able to comfortably live their lives. That we can improve in general, and be more supportive to our NB, Trans, ace/aro, etc, friends. “

In the end, she had a few simple tips for bisexual thinking about coming out of the closet-

If you don’t feel safe, it’s okay not to. If you can, though, I would encourage you to, especially if you’re white, economically stable, cis, etc. Being publicly out is a way for those of us who are privileged to pave the road for our less privileged siblings. You will find new people who support you. ❤ Stay strong, friends.     

kitty

 

 

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